A voice of comfort...
Dedicated to Tanaka. Tanaka never bothers reading this blog :) but nonetheless, dedicated to Tanaka...
The pristine blood pours forth from your unseen wound
Leaving your pallid soul drained
Deep in the most diabolic forests of obsession
Your body cringed and twisted with pain
I can caress your singed heart with icy fingers
Let me blow upon your agonized brow
A soothing wind of oblivion
Screening my own tempestuousness now
Let me elevate your scabrous mind
Let me unearth from your skin, that poisonous dart
In every quiver of your fingers
I can see the thunder slashing you apart
The gentle swell of your chest
Shows me the reticent floods you never shed
Every crease of your molten face
Tells me something different about your broken heart
Amidst a hundred drops of rain
I know the one that fell in pain from your eyes…
The pristine blood pours forth from your unseen wound
Leaving your pallid soul drained
Deep in the most diabolic forests of obsession
Your body cringed and twisted with pain
I can caress your singed heart with icy fingers
Let me blow upon your agonized brow
A soothing wind of oblivion
Screening my own tempestuousness now
Let me elevate your scabrous mind
Let me unearth from your skin, that poisonous dart
In every quiver of your fingers
I can see the thunder slashing you apart
The gentle swell of your chest
Shows me the reticent floods you never shed
Every crease of your molten face
Tells me something different about your broken heart
Amidst a hundred drops of rain
I know the one that fell in pain from your eyes…
posted by A.S. at 6:21 AM
12 Comments:
Words can talk . Hence Proved .
The turbulence in the blood filled pool, you notice.
The cries of pain reeking with desperation, you sympathize.
The soul pallid it may be,
The within it is you missed.
Hope attempts to meek across
The black clouds which obfuscate.
I rest, for black clouds rain.
How could it drain to fade
when memories of loved remain?
Oh! The winds of oblivion!
I desire to not plead.
The poisoned skin of my quivering fingers
Ask you to leave.
For have you not too touched
The soft lips of loved
Feeling her warm breath
Caress the creases of this molten face?
The antidote to every poison?
The remedy to evil corruption?
My heart lies dreary
in an island of desert.
Surrounded by sea filled with my tears.
I wish not to go and drown
but to wait
with the grains of sand which carry my memories
and be swept away where they blossom into
the paradise that I have always imagined.
Hence amidst this unrest
This heart still reverberates.
How could it drain to fade
when memories of loved remain?
*************
Nice use of adjectives. Nice poem and above is my reply in a poem too. The prosody, in particular the meter of rhyme is fucked up. So excuse me considering that I am in bit of a hurry and all (Darn this is the second time I have tried to write a poem to comment on this post. Don't really remember the first one but I think some of the lines were similar. Anyhoo blogger screwed it.)
Ok. Long comment in parentheses. Time since you updated your blog.
i simply am in love with the pic...and ur poem..man..i m speechless!! keep writing okie!!!!!
@ Sai & Vinitha -thank you so much for the appreciation :D I am inspired to keep writing now.
@ Adi -I was so sorely tempted to write a poem in reply to yours like you wrote one in reply to mine, but in the end I discarded the idea because a war once started would go on forever :D Hmm..your reply is good though as you said, written in too much of a hurry. It would have been much more powerful had you bothered to clean it up a little. My favourite lines are definitely these:
"I wish not to go and drown
but to wait
with the grains of sand which carry my memories
and be swept away where they blossom into
the paradise that I have always imagined." The image these lines create is fantastic.
But all said and done, I think the original was way better than the reply :P
Ayte, no denying that the original was better than the reply. Though use of the phrase 'way better' is debatable, or so I think.
Heck, was only writing a comment and the first half copies phrases from your poem as it is; and without the flow too that is... For better, if you are vella enough, search for 'Let Me Be' on my blog and 'Pensive' on my blog. Better compositions me thinks.
Oh who said wars are bad? Though why would it create a 'war' anyway.
LOL ^^
There, i see a war looming over the horizon already :P
"Amidst a hundred drops of rain
I know the one that fell in pain from your eyes…"
brilliant...
one question...whose tanka? loved it...cannt say more to it now..as usual in a fucked up cafe n my mind doesnt work dese days...so yea...keep ritin...ur blog is one of ma favs to read...i guess u no dat by now...:P no but really...ur ma inspiration my LOUE!! i officially giv u back da title...*celebration*
@ Vrinda: Thank you :D First I thought those lines were a little cliched but I loved them so I wrote them anyway..
@ Cuckud: Chick! It is not tanka! It is Tanaka! And well, I'm just going to be all mysterious here and say that Tanaka will know that it's him I'm referring to and that's the point. And your blog is crying out for updates! Mwah
i did update but its very shitty n hopeless...lackin inspiration in dis shithole place...mebbe will rite in a few of ma randomly ritten stuff...:P say ma hie to tanaka whoever it is...:p
HEY YOU BLOG TOO!!!
You know, I never really thought I'd find so many bloggers at MAHE of all places.
Meh, the world's a wondrous place..
Cheers!
M
EY MALI :)
You love us don't you ?!!
Kisses.
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