Morning Blues...

This morning, I woke up in a towering rage. I was just plain pissed! I didn't know what I was so angry about or why. I didn't know anything except that I was seriously fucking angry. I snapped at everything that dared move in my presence. I would probably have killed someone if they had provoked me just a little.

I'm guessing that the anger was the after-effect of some bad dream that I didn't remember after I woke up. It made me think about emotions and how senseless they can be. I ruined my morning and probably also the morning of all those people that I snapped at. I had no control over my anger. I was angry about something that didn't matter -a dream. I was angry without even knowing what I was angry about. This was just one morning. I thought of the possibility of spending my whole life like that. Holding grudges against people, hating them so intensely and for so long that at the end of my life I won't even be able to remember why I was mad at them.

Hating without reason, hating without memory, hating just because I must, hating for the heck for it. Maybe we should all take an oath. If we can't remember why we're angry, let go of the anger because it makes no sense otherwise. But if only it was so easy. Humans are creatures greatly affected by inertia. Once we settle into a way of doing things, we'd rather stay in that system rather then try to change things. Doesn't matter if it makes us unhappy. We feel safe in the familiarity of things. If I'm so used to hating a certain person, I can't get myself to like him again. Even if I don't have a real reaosn to hate him, or even if it's been dragging on for so long that I can't even remember why I hate him. I must hate him because it has always been that way. Even if that hate is poisoning my mind and my life, hate him I must.

I might wake up from a dream one day and decide to be really angry at the world. But some day, I must realise that I can't keep ruining my mornings. There's enough blind anger in the world without me adding some more.

If you don't make an effort to be happy, you won't be.